High School Musical is the cult hit amongst the tweens (those between wee ones and teenagers). The movie comes from Disney - the undisputed marketer extraordinaire. I must admit that I have watched it with my soon to be 11 year old daughter. The movie is a stereotypical classic example of life - with Jocks, Nerds, Cliques, Mean People, Polly Annas and so on. The appeal of the movie is that it has so much reality - the sad part of the movie is that it has so much reality. When I was in high school the cult hit was Rocky Horror Picture Show - not a great deal of reality in that flick. 2011 is a different era. Children are so attuned to life at a much earlier age now. I see that as a plus - perhaps you do not. Many of adults shelter their children from reality - almost like placing them in a vacuum in the hopes that they will never "know" and will avoid all the evils. Many adults also shelter themselves from the truth. The truth is ----how you are/were in middle school/high school and college MAY or may NOT be an indicator of who you become in real life. At an early age though, boys and girls don’t understand that. I get it – I get the fact that peers matter – I get the fact that self-esteem is learned to a large degree. The fact that I get it – does not mean that I like it.
I have conversations with my daughters about life almost daily. You know life, the important stuff that happens as one wonders around doing OTHER stuff each of us feels is urgent. Some of you are reading this now and are saying "it only gets worse Chip – you will see". My response “Maybe – Maybe not”. I will not live vicariously through my daughters, I will not feel threatened by them having more than I did and I will not allow them to feel privileged because they do. I will be involved in the process, but I know that I cannot control the outcomes – for the most part anyway. I want them to be able to enjoy what this life has to offer and not subject themselves to what others say. I am fortunate enough that they will not have to listen to many of the "why are poor jokes that many others may. My daughters already understand that if they “pass along” any of those so called funny poor jokes to people they know, I will make certain that they experience poor.
As I look back on my younger days, I know that some of the “in crowd” of school never quite made in the real world while some of that same group did. Many not in the “in crowd” have done and are doing very well in life. When I say made it, I do not mean money wise, I mean life wise. Most of the people I went to school with are, or soon will be, 50. At that age, one should know who one is – that is - being able to make it in life. In school, I was never the star, the king, the smart kid, I was just me. The best compliment I ever get is “Chip, you are about the same as you were 35 years ago”. Yep that is me – a narcissistic, driven, unapologetic, protective, liberal leaning, laugh at himself, boundary less, control freak who stills believes that life is what one makes it. I do not wear my heart on my sleeve, that is where BBQ sauce will go. At some times I can be caring, but as an emotional support system – I could not generate enough “power” to run that “plant”. I never went Greek in college and frankly or unfortunately – depending upon your perspective – I cannot give you even 1 name of a person with whom I went to either undergrad or grad school. Not saying that is the way it should be – I feel one should enjoy the college experience if possible – I am simply saying I wanted to get through school with little debt and I did. I don’t have any friends that know me well. I have a few enemies that do not like me mostly for the adjectives I used to describe myself and that makes me smile.
I know of three times in my adult life where who I am, was both questioned or supported, depending upon one's perspective:
1. In 1988, the CEO of the Company (and 55 year old son of the founder of Kenworth trucks) for whom I worked with and I had a brief - but profound conversation. The sales team I was leading had just landed the largest account in our Company's history. Yes, I was loud about it. The CEO caught part of the verbiage and with a quick word quipped:
"Do you know what you can tell a 27 year old MBA?"
"No Sir, What?" I said
"Not much" was all he said as he walked away.
I learned that winning is important - but the reward is the winning - not the reward and accolades.
2. In 1995, our Company's top performers were meeting for a celebration dinner in an overpriced restaurant in Atlanta. We were on the top floor of some hotel where the room actually turned in a circle. As the drinks flowed, the group got louder and insults began to flow. After a while, a few were thrown at me. Most of the guys at the table were tops in their class at Harvard, Washington & Lee, Wharton and Stanford. I was a mere mortal - a graduate of Jacksonville State University.
One guy took his best shot: "Why did you go to an all black school?"
I retorted - "That is Jackson State:
He came back with "Oh, then why did you go to school in Florida?"
I came back with - 'That is Jacksonville University"
Having enough - I simply stated the obvious:
"What do a bunch of Ivy Leaguers and Ivy League wannabes call a Jacksonville State grad?"
Everyone kinda look puzzled, but said nothing.
"Boss!" was the only word I said. Someone grabbed the wasteful check and we left.
I learned that where you learn usually only matters to yourself. What you know and how you apply it lets you lead.
3. In 1984, I asked a Professor for a recommendation to get into Officer Candidate School - U.S. Army. Some people may think her letter was a cut, a slap in the face. I still consider it the best letter of recommendation I have ever been given. It started as:
"Chip is neither the most creative nor the most intelligent student I have ever taught. He questions all theories and beliefs, but respects the authority from which they came. If I were developing a new theory of psychology practice and wanted to dazzle my peers with wonderment, I would not choose Chip to assist me. However, if I wanted the theory to be put into practice and become a law, Chip is one of the only ones I would let touch it. It would be on time, under budget, well executed and above all -- well promoted."
I learned that everyone has a specialty - not using it and trying to be someone else wastes lives.
Many people I know have older children, they simply laugh at me and say “I can’t wait until later and you go through all of the drama today’s kids go through – Chip, you will change your tune”. Really? Do you know many people that call themselves: a narcissistic, protective, liberal, et al.? I am not everybody. I am not really “anybody” – been that way most of my life. I am a defender of those less fortunate. I am a believer in free will. I feel all people deserve to win. I am a FIRM believer that those who do not feel the same, have the right to feel that way and have the right to say so – just as I have the right to laugh and say “this ain’t high school or some frat house – this is life – baby”.
My girls can learn a great deal from their mother, much more than they can learn from me. The one thing I hope they take from me is this: – who you are at 11, 15, 18, 21 matters little until you realize that you are part of this great place called life and no one should convince you to follow a specific path in it. That may be hard for my girls to understand both now and in the future – yet another reason I stay in shape –so I can remain a living, breathing example of someone who “just ain’t right” and is very proud of it. So Troy, Gabrielle, Sharpay and the rest…my girls will be your age soon enough – they just will not be you…they will be themselves – something I have thought about for most of my close to 50 years….
No comments:
Post a Comment