About 8 years ago I offered to help a group of people in our Church learn a little about leadership and a few quality habits I had learned over my life. My offer was that I would take what I had been trained to do, educated in & experienced with, and put all of this together while combining it with Biblical references. I am not the most profound platform speaker nor the most entertaining, but I can hold my own. The response I got was..how do I say...less than Godly. In retrospect, it may not have been the material, it could have been they simply did not want ME to do it and were using the fact that I was going to talk about stuff that was not directly from the Bible as the rationale. I suppose I will never know. I write this today, because the main Principle (not value or belief) to be discussed was one of Dr. Covey's 7 Habits - Think Win Win or No Deal - it is actually the 4th Habit in his group of 7. You may disagree with Dr. Covey and that is fine. However, if your reason for the disagreement is because he is Mormon, that is really not the best reason - but was an issue raised by one member 8 years ago.
The concept of Think Win Win or No Deal is profound. So profound, in fact, that is transcends all faiths, all political parties, all races, all creeds, all colors. It transcends ALL of them, whether you or I choose to believe that or not. You may say "I already know this - it is very common and really is just about compromise" . If you think that, you are incorrect. A simple Win -Win is a compromise. Win- Win or No Deal simple means that you and I will find a "position" that both of us can accept without compromising ANYTHING. Let me give you an example: You like Action Films and I like Musicals. We decide to go to the movies, but we really don't want to compromise on which one. However, one of us compromises anyway. One is happy and the other rationalizes that the compromise was worth it for the sake of the relationship. Sounds good right? Really? Oh it would be if each of us were rational and not emotional, but all of us, including me, have some emotions. Over time, this type of compromise erodes any relationship. You may say you are not that petty, so a compromise over a movie is minor. You are correct, it is minor. So will be the next compromise, then the next and so on. All of these little compromises add up and eventually it just becomes a big deal. Win Win or No Deal says : If we cannot reach an agreement then we will simply will not do either - we will do something else. This Prinicple (not a value or belief) applies in price haggling, work issues, relationship issues, EVERYTHING. Now THAT takes guts and some lack of self-centeredness. Which, as I am sure you know, is not very common. It actually takes courage & consideration AND an abundance mentality - not a scarcity mentality. It is not NEGOTIATION.
I watched the recent activities in Wisconsin and could not help but wonder what these people on both sides were doing. It seemed to me everyone I talked to was choosing sides. I had an opinion, but frankly, I do not live in Wisconsin, so I have no standing for the basics of the argument. I do know that while the Governor won the battle, it is unlikely that the Wisconsin will win long term, those type of compromises rarely do. Time will tell.
I watch the legislature pass laws in Alabama regarding illegal immigrants and I wonder why? Was there a Win-Win or No Deal struck? Doubtful. The "spin guys" said this law will eliminate illegals from using state services, keep them from using state resources, and get back jobs for hard working Alabamians. Really? You think? So our Legislature thinks locking them in prison for a year, after a trial of course, will save how much money? Prison is free of course and the health care in the prison is free of course. Oops, guess that low level compromise is not the best option. That is not a Win - Win or No Deal Option. To work out a program would take courage and consideration - neither of which either political party wants to consider. Why? Discussions are not sound bites. Discussions on solutions do not feed the circling sharks. Discussions do not allow one side to declare a clear victory. BUT - there are no clear answers. One fact about the jobs portion is clear: if someone who you say cannot speak the language & is stupid, can get a job at a wage for which you will not work AND actually gets a job that you don't even want, culminates in the thought that: He HAS to be stopped by legislation! Well, that seems to me to be a whole lot more like a WIN LOSE than a WIN WIN. But hey, you decide - I, for one, am not worried about someone taking my job - for I will take care of that myself - by outperforming anyone who tries. Which side is it that is about LESS government again? The lines are getting blurry....
I watch families bicker about stuff - stupid stuff - and say even more stupid stuff. "If you loved me - you would pick up after yourself." "Everyone knows that you don't try" "I am the only one that will" Those family members will reach a truce at some point and then compromise. All will be well for a few days, until the same stuff comes up again. Our MANTRA: "We all ptotect our pride and all is well (within our own head)". Win Win or No Deal would eliminate the recurrence. BUT - and there is always a but - that would take effort right? And we all know that we just have to reach an accord today and move on - life must go on. I can spend 5 hours with you today and with almost certainty give you the emotional/mental/physical/social outcome for your life 10 years from now - simply by watching how you handle conflict. Compromise is simple - Win-Win or no Deal is Tough. You will not find that suggestion in your religious text - so most will ignore it - that however does not make it invalid.
Win - Win or No Deal is difficult, but it can be done. It will only be done by people who want the end results to be equitable for both sides, not just a short term win. Winning should always be the goal, but the objective of winning should never be someone losing. That group of people in the Church never experienced those lessons and I never got to use one of my gifts. I left the Church soon after and went to another. So that Church group and I "handled" the situation in the lowest form of compromise - Lose - Lose. I don't really offer my talents @ Church anymore. I know I should, but many people are too concerned with preaching than they are about listening - and I guess I am too sometimes- maybe more than sometimes (preaching is another form of Win-Win compromise). Perhaps Habit 5 - Seek First to Understand - Then to Be Understood is one I need to revisit - but you know I got stuff to do - just like you - so we most likely will not. Perhaps, I will just agree to something and move on - makes life so simple......isn't that what you hear all the time - We need a simpler life? Oh well, some more of my thoughts from a guy who has lived almost 50, not so simple, years....
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