Funeral of a Dear Friend

I have never been one for funerals.  I am much more of a celebrate life kinda guy.  If you know me and since  you are reading  this then you do, you know that to be true.  I don’t go, not because I am not respectful or not sorrowful, I don’t go because life is about SETTING up your funeral, not having one.  If I participated in the celebration - then the end of the party is just not where I needed to be.  However, in this particular situation I decided to go.  As soon as I walked in the door, I saw Richard and Bubba, guys I had known most of my adult life.  I went over to talk to them and they sorta acted like I wasn’t there, just kept running their mouths like good ol’ boys do sometimes.  I started listening and this is what I heard the two guys say:

“Can’t believe those people came?” 

“Why not?

“They didn’t like him at all.  Matter of fact, they used to cuss him a lot”

“You think that mattered?”

“Not really I guess – he never cared anyway – he just laughed about it”

“Look over there, Bubba”

“Oh,  I see the guys there. I think John has one of them small TVS, that ain’t showing no respect”

“You know what he would say Bubba, got check those Fantasy Football scores”

“Yea, that’s right”

“Who are those guys there?”

“Some of the folks he worked with  – he never liked the term worked FOR  him or who he worked FOR.  Although he left no doubt who was in charge and appreciated those who gave him the chance”

“Who is that guy there?” 

“He is one of the guys that caused his life to change on a Saturday night in the Spring of 1975”

“What happened?”

“Long, long story – but one of the most significant days  in his life – he never told many”

“Who are all of these other people? Seems to be a bunch of old women with grown sons and daughters alongside  them.  Who are they?  You don’t think…those might be..”

“No,  you idiot – NOTHING like that – he just had a mission of helping these people in times of need – nothing like what your stupid mind is thinking”.

“Look there – two grown women holding hands – makes me sick, but he would have been ok with it”

“Bubba you are an idiot.  Those two women are ..I mean were… I mean are.. his daughters.  Let’s listen to what they have to say":

The parlor was quiet – not much sound now.  Then from across the room, a voice called out:  “Dr. Prince?”  Two heads turned toward the voice. One of those, a lady, standing  right next to the two women holding hands, her dark hair now gray but still stylish - just like always -  especially for someone closing in on 75  and the other woman, (one of the  women holding hands), in her mid 30’s with her infectious smile and shoulder length blonde hair,  both responded with a “Yes?”  The two women could not help but giggle – this “mistake” had happened more than a few times, even though the younger woman was married – she never changed her last name.  This young woman had been  the top  graduate  in her eonometrics doctoral program.  She had been at the Cato Institute for a few years and was now up for the top position there.   She was brilliant beyond belief.  The other young woman, one of the two women holding hands like schoolgirls, smiled and said “Come on you two, quit playing around and answer.” My,  how serious she had become.  Much different than she had been in her youth – but since marrying Senator Thomas, it was part of her job now .  Serious was how she became so convincing in her causes – something  her Daddy had taught her long ago.  "Be who you are - but realize each person you meet is different - so understand each person as well as you can and do so on THEIR terms  - NOT yours"  - his words would always echo in her mind - plus her marrying really well  - heck, that was one of her Daddy's best ideas!!!  The three women stood together,  and, as gracious as ever,  answered the ever numbing questions of those trying to offer peace.  Nonetheless,  those three women  knew life would go on, lessons learned through a life with him.

 A very tall guy walked up to the three of them and they all embraced.

“Is that his brother, Bubba?”

“Yep – they have been best friends for like ---forever.  You mess with one  - you get the other – ever since they were young.”

“But – didn’t they fight?

“Sure – but not often  after elementary school – they needed each other way too much.  You know their story right? 

“Oh yea – but most people don’t”

“Those two ol' boys would not have it any other way”

Bubba and Richard kept looking around the room at the people there.  They just kept seeing people from all walks of life, rich, poor, all races and religions and began to wonder why?

“All of these people are just so different – Bubba”

“Did you think it would be any other way?”

“I guess not.  But some of these people just did not like him.  Called him a heathen”

“They had no idea who he was – many knew part – but few knew it all.”

“Who are those people over there?”

“Those are some of the people he had to fire over the years”

“And they came today?”

“Sure –he would never let anyone go and have them leave mad – he just had that way about him”

“Most people thought he was cold”

“You are an idiot Bubba!  You knew him – did you think that?  Who do you think had your car fixed last year?”

“My cousin Earl did – paid for it himself – Earl did – never asked for it back!”

“Your cousin is broker than a pine limb in a spring storm.  That man over there in that casket did that Bubba.  You didn’t know did you?”

“That man over there  just told me it would work out – he never said he would do it”

“Yep – that is him”

“What about the rest of these people – who are they?”

“He used to say “There are two types of people in the world – those that loved him and those that would".  I guess that last group showed up today.  Or maybe they just wanted to make sure he was dead”!

“Quiet – the eulogy is about to start.”

There were a few people expected to speak – some with stories – some with quips – with each one adding  just a little bit of humor.  He would not have had it any other way  I thought.

His wife was about to speak and a hush fell over the room.  She was a dynamic speaker – better than he was on most days.  Her words would resonate  forever:

“As a husband, he had some faults.  But as a man, he had few.  When I was in the spotlight – he kept himself and everything else in the background.  He allowed nothing to hinder me. When I was at my weakest, he came to the foreground and made sure once again – nothing got in my way.  He had the bravery of a warrior and the soul of a poet. There was no try in him - only do.  And just like a Billy Joel song - he would tell me dirty jokes until I smiled. " The crowd chuckled a little at that - even the old lady in the corner.  "So you do know him!" she said with a grin.    Another chuckle from the gathering.

His brother stepped forward and saying few words except for :

“Good-bye my best friend.  What do you want me to do with all those books?  I suppose you want me to read them huh? And how about all of those old, broken appliances?  Keep 'em, I know.  No more moving rocks big bro.....Take care of Mom and Dad – it is your turn now”

The two young women stepped forward, but before they could speak, a young boy of about 6 came running up to the mic.  He would not let go of his Mama’s leg.

“Who is that kid, Richard?”

“That my friend Bubba, is little Tommy Gray Thomas, his grandson.  The kid got his name from a person our buddy over  there in that silver box, considered to be a powerful force in his life, so his oldest daughter gave that name to her son.  The other man that influenced his life is long since gone.  None of us ever knew that guy - but we heard about this "ghost man" sometimes."

The young women – together said these words:

“ Our Daddy wrote this eulogy, we are sure he stole part of it, {laughter from the crowd} long ago for a friend of his  - whose father had died.  We feel the same about our father and do not know any better writer about our Daddy  - than our Daddy – so here it is:”

For every person there is a time.

There is a time to be born

And of course a time to die

There is a time in life that we must live

And of course a time when it will end

There is a time in life when we work

And of course a time when we play – perhaps play hard

There is a time in our life when we laugh and love

And of course there are days like today when we cry

There is a time when we rejoice in helping others

And of course there is the time we must help ourselves

Time will never stand still

And for those of us who  love life, we have no desire for it to do anything else

Throughout our time here – we can only hope to meet people-----

Whose lives we will share

Whose lives we will change

And whose lives will change ours

To laugh, to love, to learn, and to live,  is all that we can really hope for in this life and perhaps more than we actually deserve – Our daddy  had them all.  That is what made him the man he was.

We wish he were still here to make us smile,  but the days we have spent with our father will give us memories that we will carry forever.

Those memories live within us always.  As we look out in the crowd today, we see the many people that touched his life.  And we can see by the looks on your faces – that he – our  daddy – touched yours too.  He would be so proud  – just as we are.

A daughter’s love for her father is immeasurable – surpassed only by his love for her.  So – Daddy,  just know that today – we are in a sad place – but a knowing place – a place you helped us build – sometimes with your grandfather’s hammer  – a place:

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN LOVING YOU AND MISSING YOU.

May you dream in color – just like you lived your life…..

Your daughters - Carlee and MattiLynn

I walked over  to the casket and looked  down.  I knew this man well – and I swear to you – he was still grinning.  He had not always been happy – but most of the time – he made others smile. 

“Hey Pete, you ready?” I said

“St. Peter to you sir! Please show a little respect”

“Come on Petey – you really think I will?  Let’s head out on our way.  I understand I can now drive a stick without any jumping!  Plus, I got a few suggestions on how to make a few changes up there,  so maybe down here will be just a little easier.  BTW - You are not going put me next to that Beck dude are you?  He is one scary guy.”

Petey just looked at me - all glowing and stuff. 

"Look Pete, I spent my whole life getting past gatekeepers like you just so I could talk with THE decision maker, now let's get moving!"  I was getting impatient....

“Good Lord” was all Peter could say.

“Yep”  was all I needed to say.

As many of you read this,  I wonder what you were thinking and feeling?  Were you laughing? Sad?  Disgusted?  Thinking who does this guy think he is?  All of those are valid questions.  I do NOT know if my funeral will actually turn out that way.  I DO know,  that if I want it to turn out that way – I have to do things today – right now – to make that happen.  I like to control stuff – I know some of you will tell me – I am not in control – God is.  Ok – we can debate that forever.  The fact  is though, we can control much more of our life than we do and I think God wants it that way.  As for me, I want people to be happy and thrilled with their life.  If those same people disagree with me – I am ok with it – it is not personal – it is just the business of life.  So my question to you--- if your funeral were today – what would people say?  My statement to you is simple---- based on my THOUGHTS FROM ALMOST 50 YEARS:  Make your funeral reflect your life – not have your funeral be a mere reflection on a life you SHOULD have lived.  Peace my friends – Peace….

Labels are for cans, not people

I will never be a rock star.  I will never search for a cure for cancer.  I will never be a major league baseball player.  I will never be President.  If I had a dollar for every time someone labeled me I would REALLY be rich.  I am OK with that and many of you are glad I am not President,  huh?  Who and what I am today though is a product of who I have been and what I have done.   I suppose we are all like that.  Throughout my almost 50 years - I have been called a lot of things - this past week (all in one week mind you) I have been called brilliant, stupid, caring, aloof, articulate, on point.  I have been told that I confabulate, that I always tell the truth, that I am hurtful, that I am kind.  All of those different characteristics are how people see me.  I see myself a little different. 

I once played a musical instrument - but as for real talent - well most of you know  I have little.  I once was a baseball player that lacked real talent, I tried - but no success.  Hard science is for really smart people - not me - I am just quick.  However,  I was pretty good in college liberal arts, intended to finish law school and then go into politics - but learned money matters to get there and money matters even more when life happens.  So while those didn't end up like I wanted in my youth, the words people used to describe me this past week are not really me either.  When you first read those descriptors - you noticed that they were diametrically different .  I am also sure you realized  those words came from different people - some of whom think they know me, some of whom really should know me  and some of whom know they really don't know me at all.  The real truth is I am none of those descriptors in totality  - but more of a combination of some of them - others of them are so far off it is almost laughable.  However,  in today's life of sound bites and "gotchaisms" who I really am does not matter.  What matters to others is how they see me.   That used to matter to me.  Nowadays - it matters little. 

On a good day, I am pretty funny and keep people smiling.  On a bad day, I am pretty funny and I just keep to myself.  On a good day I can be charming and I show off.  On a bad day I can be charming and I just keep to myself.  On a good day I tell the truth and I share the purpose.  On a bad day I tell the truth but I just keep it to myself.    Everyone has good and bad - part of life.  A 'good" day for me is you "see" me - a "bad" day is when I won't let you "see" me.  Trouble is when people see you - they simply do not know which day you are on.  Trouble with me is if someone judges me  and labels me - I just let them.  I sometimes just exacerbate the label with even more outlandish stereotypes.  Then at the end I just laugh and wonder what the other person is thinking after the conversation.  We all get labeled - like it or not.  How you deal with it makes you who you are.

I was labeled as child, as a teenager, as a young man, as a man in his prime and even still today as I approach AARP level.  One thing I have learned over these almost 50 years, labels bother most people, especially when the label they are given is different than how they see themselves.  I was bothered by some this past week, but I won't confront the people who did.  Why won't I you ask?  If you know me, you realize it is not for a lack of words, a lack of wit, or a lack of gall. So what is it?  The answer is the same as the way I started this page - I will never be what I dreamed of as child- being someone who stands out.   I will never be able to change perception - I have just learned to accept it.  On a good week, I can change your mind and do.  On a bad week, I can change your mind, but I just keep to myself.  So if you see yourself in today's blog - ask yourself - how would you label yourself now?  Are you a left leaning pointy headed liberal?  A staunch conservative with high morals and looking out for our Country?  Are you a Christian who looks down on others?  Are you lost in your spirituality and are wondering?  Are you lazy and stupid or diligent and smart?  Do you know?  Does it matter?  As for me telling you - good luck with that - let me know how it goes.....then again you might catch me on a good week - either way I am laughing at the labels....

Disagree with Me - That's Cool - Let's Talk - I'll Buy

When was the last time you talked to someone with whom you vehemently disagreed?  Was it uncomfortable?  Do you know why?  Most people I know tend to hang around people that agree with their ideas.  Now that makes sense since we all like to be comfortable and relax (ok so I really do not like to just relax- but most people do).  For me, if I talk to someone who thinks just like I do, believes in the same principles I do, eats the same type food, and meanders through life being  just  like me - then,  first they are RARE, second I will learn very little and third I will be bored.  I learned at any early age different is good.  Many people that know me feel that I have being different effectively mastered.  Could be....but...

I don't think I am that different than you...oh in some ways I am, but in many ways I am much like you.  I want the Miss America stuff - world peace, feed the hungry and poor (ok Glen Beck &  I disagree here), but you get the point.  I,  just like you, also want to be a person that lives a life FOR something, not just against something.  On that point alone, that eliminates me from being  a talk show host - and I would be willing to bet (I know I cannot do that in Alabama) that if you are reading this right now - you are not one of those. Why read when you can just make up stuff, right?

When I talk with people, and as you know by now I do that a lot, I want them to talk with me like they mean it.  A conversation with passion, an understanding of WHY they believe the way they do and one based on the possibility that the facts presented by them or ME, could be wrong.  Most people will not do that and many claim that the reason they don't is that they wish to be polite.  I suppose by polite they mean:  as they walk away they mumble "That idiot - who does he think he is?"  NEWSFLASH:  I know who I am - what I would really like to know is - Do you know who you are and more importantly WHY you are who you are?

I believe in choice - although I will say lately - I have begun to realize that while everyone MAY have a choice - choosing is much more difficult than I thought.  I would not have realized that fact had I only hung around just my Vulcan friends and not had a few discussions  with some Klingons, Romulans and even those weird human people....I like different - different is my style....how about you?

I will ask you a few questions - just think about them - no need to respond - but if you decide to - I will be very happy to engage.

1.  Could you talk to someone about economics and have facts -- not just news?

2.  Could you talk about God, his presence, his being and never mention your particular religion or holy book?

3.  Could you talk about building a barn, even though you are from the city and have never raised a hammer, much less a barn?

4.  Could you talk to a rape victim who is wearing provocative clothing and not be at least a little judgmental?

5.  Could you talk about war as if you had been there as opposed to how you think it is?

These are easy questions for me -and I love to talk to people that have an opinion - the stronger the better...just be aware - talking is my life - it is not only what I do - it is who I am.  I only do 4 things and I do them fairly well:

1.  I talk pretty well

2.  I write even better

3.  I am almost always (no such thing as 100%) prepared for anything

4.  I have the strongest fear of losing - so therefore I don't - not by avoidance - but by execution of the first three...

Can we talk even if we vehemently disagree?  I know I can....

Your Opinion Matters?? Only if it has Standing.....

Standing in the court system means a person has an interest in the outcome BECAUSE a person had an active interest in the events leading up to outcome.  What all of that really means is summed up in the Southern phrase “I got a dog in the hunt”….translation to real English:   if you are going to complain about the outcome, make sure you were a participant.  Which got me to thinking:  how many people do I know complain about stuff of which they have no idea what  it is like to be in that situation?

Pell Grants reductions are a hot topic right now.  If our Government reduces them, there will be XXX dollars in savings.  The arguments are “if people want to go to college they will find a way”   “college is not for everyone”  “college education is not a right”…..all of these are true – I concur wholeheartedly.  Since I concur with these statements is all the more reason I think Pell Grants should continue.  Did your head just twist off?  Yep – I said continue.  I would have been eligible for a Pell Grant – never got one – did not know they even existed.  It might have been a just a little easier if I had had just a little help.  Instead, I worked over 50 hours a week, often ending my shift after midnight and since I had to be at work the next day at 3 p.m., I had to take 7:30 a.m. classes.   My parents could not help  and over my TOTAL years of college I borrowed only $3560.  I know the exact amount – because I paid it all back PLUS interest.  You see I have STANDING to voice my opinion – I have been there – I know how a little help could have made a lot of difference.  If you have not been there – you can voice your opinion – but as for STANDING?  Gee, I don’t know….I know you pay taxes so you think that gives you  STANDING….I paid a little last year too. J   I GOT STANDING….and a few letters behind my name as well.  Chip Prince, MBA

Gays and Lesbians in the military is a hot topic right now.  NEWS flash – there have been gays and lesbians in the military since the  beginning of time – not just U.S. time.  Ever heard of the Roman and Greek armies?  But back to STANDING.  During YOUR service in the U.S. Armed Forces, how many issues did you encounter with gay and lesbian soldiers, sailors, airmen or marines?  What?  Oh, you never served…but you know they should not be there, gotcha.  You know this how?  Oh, TV, radio and church, gotcha, makes sense..TO YOU!  At 32 degrees water freezes. At 20 degrees you have trouble feeling your toes after 12 hours in the dark of night. At 0 degrees, your mind begins to wander a little – you begin to call on all of your training just so you can focus on the task - squeezing the trigger on a piece of metal that may stick to your NON gloved hand.  At  -15, you simply want to get some place warm so that you can realize you are alive.  During this all expense paid exotic vacation, carrying all of your matching clothes and boots in a 70 lb sack, accessorized with a weapon that is suppose to able to reach 300 meters on a good day,  as you watch mortar fire launched from  1000 feet away land only a few feet away from you head,  do you REALLY wonder if the guy next to you is checking out your behind?  You really think that?  What hell hole were you when this thought occurred?  Your den? The golf course?  Your local bar?  You see I have STANDING to voice my opinion – I have been there – I know what matters most in the military – Will my buddy be there in case part of me starts to gush blood...  If you have not been there – you can voice your opinion – but as for STANDING?  Gee, I don’t know….I know you pay taxes so you think  that gives you  STANDING….I paid a little last year too. J   I GOT STANDING….and a few medals as well.  SGT. Carl Prince,  Jr. , U.S. Army (Honorable Discharge)

Gay/Lesbian Marriage is a hot topic right now ---Not sure where you stand on this and I really don’t care.  Standing would be tough here huh?  Doubtful you have standing - you most likely are not gay or lesbian – but who knows.  Woody Allen says being bi doubles your chance of finding a date for Saturday…just a thought.  Anyway – your stance on NO is based on your morality I am sure.  That is fine – good for you.  But that is not really standing – as I have defined it is it?  If you are married or have been, then that could be your standing and in that we are similar.  From my perspective, I think these marriages  should be allowed to – just so they can endure the same mess those of who are married have to endure.  (Hey Val!   You are laughing now I know)  Further, if one in the couple  decides to leave – they should have to write a big exit CHECK just like us. (Hey Val!  Before you say write that check – it is only half  - NOT all) So I guess on this one we all have standing if we are married or have been, but seriously the standing needs to be based on our life not what we believe.  Please no hate from the far right (nah go ahead – I love mail).  I got standing – 27 years worth… I say let them suffer (I mean live a wonderful life – Val) and let them have to write a big check if they leave… seems fair and balanced (almost killed me to write that)….

Health Care is a hot topic right now.  Some people call it Obamacare.  Call it what you will.  Like it/don’t like it – that is ok with me.  I wonder about the standing on this one.  If you have health insurance – - no one is forcing you to buy it – so do you have an “ache in the argument”?  If you don’t have insurance and don’t want it ,  I suppose you have standing…but I have not really heard too much disagreement from that group yet .  Perhaps the disagreement for most,   is that our Government should not tell us that we have to buy insurance, based on PRINCIPLEs of the Founding Fathers and some judge in Florida – (you women just keep quite now ya hear!  The founding fathers did NOT think enough about you until some liberal in 1920 got the notion to put forth the amendment that  you should be allowed to vote).  Some of these same people that say no one should be forced to buy insurance are the same people that complain about people getting “free” health care in ERs.  Would those people PLEASE make a choice!  (you know what free will is right?)   It is nice to have an opinion – it is even better to have a consistent one.  You see I have STANDING to voice my opinion – I have been there – I know what it is like to not have health insurance.  If you have not been there – you can voice your opinion – but as for STANDING?  Gee, I don’t know….I know you pay taxes so you think  that  gives you  STANDING….I paid a little last year too. J   I GOT STANDING…I also have a scar on my left lung from inadequate care…it really is ok, I don’t cough TOO much…

I wrote this today – NOT because I wanted to talk about me – I can do that (and DO) every day.  I wrote this because every day I hear people talk about how things “should be” – without giving any thoughts to how things really “are”.  In a conversation I had today (one of many) , someone told me that these people I hear talking have “should be thinking”.  Perhaps, I need to simply accept it as just human nature.  Accept?  I find it depressing actually – on that -  I may actually “Stand” alone.    Makes me wish and wonder if there is life in other parts of the universe.  Of course, I have no Standing  to have a real opinion  (and you don’t either).   I live on this planet and I am human – although many of you reading this may question that statement too……but you don’t have STANDING – you don’t know me as well as you think –few do.  Sometimes I have to get back to my Southern roots  by ending with “bless your heart”.  :) 

It's just me and ___________talking

You fill in the _________ for YOU - not me.....and do it everyday and see if the following makes sense - in say  -  1 year.  Don't have a year?  Yep - that's what you said last year - yet here you are....


Recently, I was talking with a guy and he said "I wish I could talk about anything to anybody like you do".  Flattery works well with humans - some days it pays to be human in species only - so I don't bite.  My response could have been more polite, but as with most answers in my life - I selected the truth -  "No, you don't really"  I got that line from Gary Player (the golfer).  I went on that day to paraphrase Mr. Player , so my discussion was not about golf , but on one of 4 things I do fairly well.  I finished my answer with:  "because if you did, you would do what I do.  In 2010, I read 72 books, I made over 100 hours of audiotape of me practicing words, phrases, and voice inflection. I have many hours of video tape so that I can study my body language.  I listen to people I can't stand to watch even breathe, much less agree with,  just so I can gain the perspective of both sides of any discussion.  I practice interactions with store clerks, bankers, school personnel, janitors, and the guy asking for money on the corner.  I have been doing this for 20 plus years.  I make it a point to talk to 10 people I don't know each and every day - even on Christmas Day."  He looked surprised and doubtful.  I went on to say "The Christmas Day got you didn't it?  Well, every Christmas for the past 7 years I have driven from my house to pick up a family member to bring back to my home.  On that trip I stop at Walgreen's.  Not to shop, but to talk with people, the clerks, the shoppers - anyone.  I don't talk long - they are in a hurry - or sad or  just looking for redemption as they buy a toy for a child.  So, YES, everyday"

When I relay this story to people I get a similar reaction to what that guy heard and said that day.  "You really do that?  I don't have that kind of time to work on just talking".  See how the thought changed - once the person realized that there was not just some "pill" or "quick fix"?  You become a better talker, the same way you lose weight, perfect your golf swing, enhance your significant other relationship (OOPS - did I hit a nerve??) - you practice EVERYDAY.  As a life coach, I work with people that want the quick fix and are not really ready to commit to the discipline in both time and effort to achieve what they say they want.  I used to waste their money and my time coddling.  I don't do that any more.  A person either wants to change, alter OR stay the same - neither I nor anyone else can CHANGE that decision.  Let's see how well you do:

What is the name of the person who delivers your mail?
What is the name of the person who drops off the UPS?
Do you know the janitor at your place of employment?
How about the assistant at your lawyer's office, your dentist's office, your doctor's office?
Who is the guy that picks up your trash?
Do you know the store manager at your favorite grocery store?  How about the cashier?
The person who brings you your water at your favorite restaurant?

That is 11 people, can you reach 10 today?...not just today - but everyday?  They do not have to become your best buddy - but think about the outcomes?  In 1 single year - you meet over 3.600 people....you will get better at talking, learn something new and warm a few hearts.  Go where the "followers ain't" ...A reminder:  "Talk with the masses and you will always eat with the best classes.  Talk only with the rich and you will always be just their little ______  (well you know).....Hey Vestavia - you catch that????  Conversation is a lost art - but it is the key that will unlock your soul.  Just like anything else though - you have to participate and practice.   It truly is who KNOWs you and not WHO you know....Still don't believe that? That's ok...there is always next year (for you)....

Angels without halos - are here - right now....

In every one's life,  events occur,  that alter the way our life evolves.  For some, those events simply happen because no one else wants to get involved to help - they say they just don't want to interfere.  The following is a story of tragedy and sadness.  It may cause you some anguish - perhaps disgust - but even if you do not read it - I ask that you realize the impact it has on so many ....

A woman I know was just coming back around  to consciousness recently in a not so wonderful hospital room. You could see the bruises and cuts - not big really- they would be easily covered with concealer later and covered even further by the story she would make up.  What could not be seen  - were the ribs crushed from a blow by an all too enraged husband.  A man, who repeatedly told her how much he cared and how much it pained him for her to make him so mad that he just HAD to slap her - just to help her.  This was no simple tap this time.  She had lost track of the "times" - especially the past year.  As her husband had fallen on some tough "luck", he drank more, worked less and hit often.  She thought he was a good man -so she stayed.  Oh,  she promised her friends she would leave when the kids got older or  her husband got the supervisor job. The list of promises to herself and her friends grew,  just as her friends' belief in her faltered.  At a time in her life when she needed them most, her friends just would not get involved in a little marital spat. A spat?  Really? 

A few years ago, my friend thought she had it all - a man that loved her, a comfortable home, 2 charming little boys and a future.  But something happened on the way to paradise.  Had she put on too many pounds?  She didn't think so.  She always had guys flirting with her where she used to work.  Of course she had to quit, her husband said it made him look bad that his wife had to work.  Her family could sure use the money now - but her husband had his pride.  Had she put everything else ahead of her husband and made him feel less of a man?  She did not think so.  She went places with him, places she cared nothing about - just so he would be happy.  Isn't that what good wives do?  What she could never quite understand is that while the relationship issues were partly her fault - the abuse from her husband was all his fault.  She never could separate the two and today she is in this hospital bed - hurting both physically and emotionally.  What would she tell her kids?  I was only there a couple minutes - the rage within me was consuming - my eyes ablaze from anger.  I stayed long enough to hear her have this conversation with her sister (the names have been changed)

"You have to leave him"

"I can't.  He needs me and  he needs the boys"

"What happened?  How did you call the ambulance?

"I didn't.  The police just showed up and pulled John off of me"

The cop standing near the bed, waiting to take her statement, said:  "Ma'am, when we came in your husband was sitting in the corner -  shaking.  We thought maybe you had been robbed.  Your husband said he saw Satan, and that THING hit him so many times he thought he was dying.  Your husband said the DEMON had  blood red eyes.  But we knew he was drunk - so we just chuckled"

My friend looked puzzled.  Her sister even more so.

As she looked at her sister, I heard her say "But - but - I know someone pulled John away"

The policeman asked her to to describe the man.

She said :--"I don't know, average size, I guess, maybe close to 6 feet, 185 - 190, white guy, all his clothes were black or at least I think so."

Her sister smiled --"It was your angel.  I told you God would help you"

My friend looked at me and asked "Do you think it was an angel? It was so dark"

I replied - "I  have no idea - not  really my area of expertise.  I need to go - rest well"

As I left the room, I walked quickly down the hall.  Saddened by what I had seen, but knowing that there ARE angels among us.  Just as I was about to leave the building, I spotted a group of teenagers.  One snickered and looked my way.

"Look at that old dude, he thinks he is Johnny Cash or something"

Some stories are true - some are just stories.  One thing is true - and is a reality - every day women suffer through unbearable anguish at the hands - literally - of a man who once said he loved them.  This does NOT have to happen -  EVER.  I suppose you can pray for a miracle- pray everyday for one - I suppose you can try counseling - I suppose you can just try to change yourself and hope things change.  Yep, I suppose you can do all of that.  What I do know is that there are angels out here who can  help you.... some angels wear black and will never have a halo- but that is ok.  If you are in a situation that you feel is hopeless, ask around,  someone you know may have a direct line to a group of angels that could make your world the heaven on Earth that you desire...or at least not dark.....

Bubba and Bubbaette are going into a 12 Step Program - Let's Celebrate!

I say "Good for them for they are weak...."

Seems to me that everyone is into some sort of 12 step program - 12 steps to losing weight, 12 steps to this or that addiction program, 12 steps to a better marriage or 12 steps to becoming a better _______program.  Dr. Phil (seriously, that is his name - how can you take him serious?) had a shortened version  - 10 Steps to Relationship Rescue (I say he did it because he could not think of 2 more - but I could be wrong).  As I was walking through the book store,  I saw a whole section on these subjects.  If you have  a problem - then there is 12 step solution for you.  I have also noticed that many organizations (including churches) have attempted to get in on the game with recovery programs and group discussions - all in some sort of celebration atmosphere.   It is possible that these programs work and I am sure each of us know someone that went through one (I am sorry - IS working through,  since I am told one never really recovers - it is a process) and swears that the program changed their life.  Once the program is "complete", a celebration acknowledging the achievement or the path to recovery is held.  To which I reply:

"Good for them for they are weak...."

I am not against people fixing their lives.  I am a big proponent of change.  I am also a realist.  People do not change, the situations do.  I can put on a leisure suit with a silk shirt and dance under a disco light - but that will not make me John Travolta.  People that know me may say - "Hey, don't you read all of those self-help books - what is the difference?  You are just a hypocrite, Chip".  To which I reply - "Yes, I do read them.  I have also read Playboy - but that does not make me Hugh Hefner".  The difference is I don't have a "to do" program - I have a "don't do" program.  If I want to make a change - I stop doing the behavior I want to change. Cold.  One day.  Just stop. Period.  Covey wrote in the The Seven Habit of Highly Effective People "Begin with the End in Mind" - to me the rest of the book is just filler (good filler - but filler none the less).  Some will tell me "Good for you, Chip.  A lot of people cannot do that." To which I reply:

"Good for them for they are weak...."

12 steps - Really???  I know many people that believe in them, support them, offer comfort to them and celebrate with them - them being the people I think (although I am sure that to many the program is more important than the people).  Here is a thought - mind you -  it is just a thought....how about BEFORE the problem becomes an issue - you pull them aside and institute like a 1 step program to change the behavior.  It would make for a shorter book, a shorter meeting (would not have time for the doughnuts and all of that SHARING stuff), but also a shorter cycle of bad Karma....It won't happen....people don't want to interfere until another hits the bottom or until the person decides to change....It is not easy to get one's attention when he or she appear to be at the top of the mountain.  If you really want to help - do it in the beginning - not wait for the down fall.  Some will say you find out who your friends are when you hit rock bottom.  I say your real friends never let you get there. Some will say "but that is way too much interference - I don't want to mettle, plus they might get mad at me" to which I reply:

"Good for them for I am NOT weak - I will "

Which is my 1 step program - I will.  Right Now. No excuses.  No ifs.  No ands.  No buts.. I will never be the prodigal son - for I rarely ever leave the path less traveled for long  - if it is to be  - then it is up to me - I am the way...12 steps are for those that only wish to go 3/4 of one flight...