Funeral of a Dear Friend

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Funeral of a Dear Friend

I have never been one for funerals.  I am much more of a celebrate life kinda guy.  If you know me and since  you are reading  this then you do, you know that to be true.  I don’t go, not because I am not respectful or not sorrowful, I don’t go because life is about SETTING up your funeral, not having one.  If I participated in the celebration - then the end of the party is just not where I needed to be.  However, in this particular situation I decided to go.  As soon as I walked in the door, I saw Richard and Bubba, guys I had known most of my adult life.  I went over to talk to them and they sorta acted like I wasn’t there, just kept running their mouths like good ol’ boys do sometimes.  I started listening and this is what I heard the two guys say:

“Can’t believe those people came?” 

“Why not?

“They didn’t like him at all.  Matter of fact, they used to cuss him a lot”

“You think that mattered?”

“Not really I guess – he never cared anyway – he just laughed about it”

“Look over there, Bubba”

“Oh,  I see the guys there. I think John has one of them small TVS, that ain’t showing no respect”

“You know what he would say Bubba, got check those Fantasy Football scores”

“Yea, that’s right”

“Who are those guys there?”

“Some of the folks he worked with  – he never liked the term worked FOR  him or who he worked FOR.  Although he left no doubt who was in charge and appreciated those who gave him the chance”

“Who is that guy there?” 

“He is one of the guys that caused his life to change on a Saturday night in the Spring of 1975”

“What happened?”

“Long, long story – but one of the most significant days  in his life – he never told many”

“Who are all of these other people? Seems to be a bunch of old women with grown sons and daughters alongside  them.  Who are they?  You don’t think…those might be..”

“No,  you idiot – NOTHING like that – he just had a mission of helping these people in times of need – nothing like what your stupid mind is thinking”.

“Look there – two grown women holding hands – makes me sick, but he would have been ok with it”

“Bubba you are an idiot.  Those two women are ..I mean were… I mean are.. his daughters.  Let’s listen to what they have to say":

The parlor was quiet – not much sound now.  Then from across the room, a voice called out:  “Dr. Prince?”  Two heads turned toward the voice. One of those, a lady, standing  right next to the two women holding hands, her dark hair now gray but still stylish - just like always -  especially for someone closing in on 75  and the other woman, (one of the  women holding hands), in her mid 30’s with her infectious smile and shoulder length blonde hair,  both responded with a “Yes?”  The two women could not help but giggle – this “mistake” had happened more than a few times, even though the younger woman was married – she never changed her last name.  This young woman had been  the top  graduate  in her eonometrics doctoral program.  She had been at the Cato Institute for a few years and was now up for the top position there.   She was brilliant beyond belief.  The other young woman, one of the two women holding hands like schoolgirls, smiled and said “Come on you two, quit playing around and answer.” My,  how serious she had become.  Much different than she had been in her youth – but since marrying Senator Thomas, it was part of her job now .  Serious was how she became so convincing in her causes – something  her Daddy had taught her long ago.  "Be who you are - but realize each person you meet is different - so understand each person as well as you can and do so on THEIR terms  - NOT yours"  - his words would always echo in her mind - plus her marrying really well  - heck, that was one of her Daddy's best ideas!!!  The three women stood together,  and, as gracious as ever,  answered the ever numbing questions of those trying to offer peace.  Nonetheless,  those three women  knew life would go on, lessons learned through a life with him.

 A very tall guy walked up to the three of them and they all embraced.

“Is that his brother, Bubba?”

“Yep – they have been best friends for like ---forever.  You mess with one  - you get the other – ever since they were young.”

“But – didn’t they fight?

“Sure – but not often  after elementary school – they needed each other way too much.  You know their story right? 

“Oh yea – but most people don’t”

“Those two ol' boys would not have it any other way”

Bubba and Richard kept looking around the room at the people there.  They just kept seeing people from all walks of life, rich, poor, all races and religions and began to wonder why?

“All of these people are just so different – Bubba”

“Did you think it would be any other way?”

“I guess not.  But some of these people just did not like him.  Called him a heathen”

“They had no idea who he was – many knew part – but few knew it all.”

“Who are those people over there?”

“Those are some of the people he had to fire over the years”

“And they came today?”

“Sure –he would never let anyone go and have them leave mad – he just had that way about him”

“Most people thought he was cold”

“You are an idiot Bubba!  You knew him – did you think that?  Who do you think had your car fixed last year?”

“My cousin Earl did – paid for it himself – Earl did – never asked for it back!”

“Your cousin is broker than a pine limb in a spring storm.  That man over there in that casket did that Bubba.  You didn’t know did you?”

“That man over there  just told me it would work out – he never said he would do it”

“Yep – that is him”

“What about the rest of these people – who are they?”

“He used to say “There are two types of people in the world – those that loved him and those that would".  I guess that last group showed up today.  Or maybe they just wanted to make sure he was dead”!

“Quiet – the eulogy is about to start.”

There were a few people expected to speak – some with stories – some with quips – with each one adding  just a little bit of humor.  He would not have had it any other way  I thought.

His wife was about to speak and a hush fell over the room.  She was a dynamic speaker – better than he was on most days.  Her words would resonate  forever:

“As a husband, he had some faults.  But as a man, he had few.  When I was in the spotlight – he kept himself and everything else in the background.  He allowed nothing to hinder me. When I was at my weakest, he came to the foreground and made sure once again – nothing got in my way.  He had the bravery of a warrior and the soul of a poet. There was no try in him - only do.  And just like a Billy Joel song - he would tell me dirty jokes until I smiled. " The crowd chuckled a little at that - even the old lady in the corner.  "So you do know him!" she said with a grin.    Another chuckle from the gathering.

His brother stepped forward and saying few words except for :

“Good-bye my best friend.  What do you want me to do with all those books?  I suppose you want me to read them huh? And how about all of those old, broken appliances?  Keep 'em, I know.  No more moving rocks big bro.....Take care of Mom and Dad – it is your turn now”

The two young women stepped forward, but before they could speak, a young boy of about 6 came running up to the mic.  He would not let go of his Mama’s leg.

“Who is that kid, Richard?”

“That my friend Bubba, is little Tommy Gray Thomas, his grandson.  The kid got his name from a person our buddy over  there in that silver box, considered to be a powerful force in his life, so his oldest daughter gave that name to her son.  The other man that influenced his life is long since gone.  None of us ever knew that guy - but we heard about this "ghost man" sometimes."

The young women – together said these words:

“ Our Daddy wrote this eulogy, we are sure he stole part of it, {laughter from the crowd} long ago for a friend of his  - whose father had died.  We feel the same about our father and do not know any better writer about our Daddy  - than our Daddy – so here it is:”

For every person there is a time.

There is a time to be born

And of course a time to die

There is a time in life that we must live

And of course a time when it will end

There is a time in life when we work

And of course a time when we play – perhaps play hard

There is a time in our life when we laugh and love

And of course there are days like today when we cry

There is a time when we rejoice in helping others

And of course there is the time we must help ourselves

Time will never stand still

And for those of us who  love life, we have no desire for it to do anything else

Throughout our time here – we can only hope to meet people-----

Whose lives we will share

Whose lives we will change

And whose lives will change ours

To laugh, to love, to learn, and to live,  is all that we can really hope for in this life and perhaps more than we actually deserve – Our daddy  had them all.  That is what made him the man he was.

We wish he were still here to make us smile,  but the days we have spent with our father will give us memories that we will carry forever.

Those memories live within us always.  As we look out in the crowd today, we see the many people that touched his life.  And we can see by the looks on your faces – that he – our  daddy – touched yours too.  He would be so proud  – just as we are.

A daughter’s love for her father is immeasurable – surpassed only by his love for her.  So – Daddy,  just know that today – we are in a sad place – but a knowing place – a place you helped us build – sometimes with your grandfather’s hammer  – a place:

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN LOVING YOU AND MISSING YOU.

May you dream in color – just like you lived your life…..

Your daughters - Carlee and MattiLynn

I walked over  to the casket and looked  down.  I knew this man well – and I swear to you – he was still grinning.  He had not always been happy – but most of the time – he made others smile. 

“Hey Pete, you ready?” I said

“St. Peter to you sir! Please show a little respect”

“Come on Petey – you really think I will?  Let’s head out on our way.  I understand I can now drive a stick without any jumping!  Plus, I got a few suggestions on how to make a few changes up there,  so maybe down here will be just a little easier.  BTW - You are not going put me next to that Beck dude are you?  He is one scary guy.”

Petey just looked at me - all glowing and stuff. 

"Look Pete, I spent my whole life getting past gatekeepers like you just so I could talk with THE decision maker, now let's get moving!"  I was getting impatient....

“Good Lord” was all Peter could say.

“Yep”  was all I needed to say.

As many of you read this,  I wonder what you were thinking and feeling?  Were you laughing? Sad?  Disgusted?  Thinking who does this guy think he is?  All of those are valid questions.  I do NOT know if my funeral will actually turn out that way.  I DO know,  that if I want it to turn out that way – I have to do things today – right now – to make that happen.  I like to control stuff – I know some of you will tell me – I am not in control – God is.  Ok – we can debate that forever.  The fact  is though, we can control much more of our life than we do and I think God wants it that way.  As for me, I want people to be happy and thrilled with their life.  If those same people disagree with me – I am ok with it – it is not personal – it is just the business of life.  So my question to you--- if your funeral were today – what would people say?  My statement to you is simple---- based on my THOUGHTS FROM ALMOST 50 YEARS:  Make your funeral reflect your life – not have your funeral be a mere reflection on a life you SHOULD have lived.  Peace my friends – Peace….

Hey Guys, what if you had to take down the Christmas tree each year?

When it is something you do often enough, people refer to it as a habit or ritual.  For me, taking down our Christmas tree, is an honor.  My three “girls” are usually visiting with Val’s mama…good thing I suppose, for my language can get…well…..interesting…as I take down the holiday decorations.  I enjoy putting UP all of the “stuff”…partly because I love outdoing my neighbors, but taking DOWN the Christmas tree  -- is what is really special to me. 

Our main tree is eclectic, with a few  ornaments dating back some 40 years.  As I carefully remove each piece, a memory flashes by – so it takes me a considerable amount of time to finish – but it is time I cherish.  You see – life is measured in years – but living is measured in moments…. and I gotta tell ya’ – mine have been pretty good.  So if I seem a little sentimental – don’t call the “paddy wagon” for me – I am still just as hardnosed as usual. However, this one time a year simply forces me to appreciate my life.

There is a broken ornament on the tree, purchased at a Christmas time visit to Six Flags Over Georgia when Val and I lived in Atlanta.  I was a little too much into being macho then – and I did not wear enough warm gear.  It was the coldest time I can ever remember – Val and I still laugh about it ( she reminds our daughters that I am not near as tough as I think I am) .  The ornament WAS a circle enclosing Dorothy from the Wizard of OZ.  Dorothy has, (over the years), been lost.  The circle remains however,  and every year, I smile when I place it back in its storage box.  That one stays with us – even if I have to duct tape it.

There are a couple of “stolen” ornaments on the tree – ones that once were a fixture on Val’s tree when she was a child.  Not real sure her mother knows the ornaments are gone – so if you know my mother-in-law – don’t tell her….  Those two ornaments remind Val of her life as a child.  I am extra careful when I place those back in the storage box…they are plastic…but the memory is important – so I treat “them” with care.

There are 2 engraved ornaments that Val gave me – back in the “poor old days”, when ornaments were about all we could afford.  I promised her in 1984 – a richer future – poorer would have been tough.  I think we have done ok, but the ornaments are a reminder of how thankful I should be for our life and her…sometimes (more than sometimes) I forget.  Those ornaments are ones that usually go on the bottom – for those couple of pieces represent the foundations of our life.

Some of the more “interesting” ornaments are the ones our daughters have made.  One is from Carlee’s  pre-school days, another from MattiLynn’s  pre-school days.  Wow – how those girls have grown!  Perhaps, our girls will want to “steal” their ornament when each one moves on with life.  I will still be tough enough to grapple over ‘em– although I may have to use my cane to “fight” them off….for now the ornaments are wrapped with care and placed away until next year.

As I was "taking down the tree" this week, I saw a few of the ornaments given to Val from some of her Girl Scout “children” of recent years.  I know some of the girls gave them out of sheer respect  ( a GS honor) for Val  being the troop leader for so long.  Many though, gave the ornaments as a symbol of loving return for the guidance Val has shown them.  Perhaps some of the girls may not even remember giving the ornaments to her – but I know we do.  The memories those ornaments bring to me, as well as the times our home welcomed the girls and their joyous laughter, their youthful innocence and even the drama that a roomful of future women bring,  is still a time in my life I will cherish each coming year.  I may not always get the floor clear quickly – but the happiness is crystal.   How long will the celebrations continue, since  our oldest has begun to worry about “coolness”?  I have no idea – but I will always have the ornaments to remind me – just in case we all get a little too caught up with life.

One of my all-time favorites is a picture ornament of Carlee and me, taken at the first concert she ever attended.  People told me I overpaid for those  Taylor Swift tickets – and if truth be told,  I guess I thought I did too.  However, when that young singer came down the aisle, walked  to a rotating stage only 30 feet from our seats and played the song “Fifteen”, I knew I would have paid much more.  Money cannot often buy moments like that.

There is a picture ornament of Chuck (my brother) and me when we were little.  Christmas morning looks a lot different now than it did then – but he is still with us each Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.  Every year he is so generous to our family – this year perhaps we surprised him with a gift.  If you are around Talladega on Feb 18, come watch him drive a race car!!!

We have ornaments from our trips to Gatlinburg, from our Disney World trips,  a couple from our trips to the beach, even a few from our MANY trips to Wal-Mart.  We have old ones, new ones, ones that do not match the décor and a couple of which I have no idea how “they” ended up on our tree.  We have ones showing involvement in school, cheerleading, soccer, ice skating, band and of course, Girl Scouts.   Some include pics – but many do not.  We decorate with lots of other stuff too –like a collection of stuffed bears – 1 (or more) of which I have given Val each year since 1987 – this year the date had the 25^th Anniversary imprinted on the foot – just seemed to fit…..  All of this is just stuff to anyone else – but each ornament and decoration “paints” a memorable picture for me, with each movement I make, as I take down our Christmas tree.

Every year I choose a favorite ornament from the current year’s additions – something I suppose until now – only I knew about me.  This year’s choice was easy for me – although the person who gave it to us - probably just did it out of duty.  You see, in October my youngest daughter broke her foot.  While carrying her around in a wagon @ Halloween was not easy since we live in the “valley of hills”, I was determined to keep as much pressure off of that foot as I could.  I realize children have scrapes, bruises and breaks.  Any other time – we would have simply worked through it – but this break was most likely going to keep her from ice skating in her very first performance on December 3^rd.  We did everything we could – we carried her upstairs, downstairs, around the house - everywhere we could  - just to keep her from walking.  A couple of days before our pre-Thanksgiving trip to Gatlinburg, the boot was removed.  The Dr. said the bone had healed, but the tendons and ligaments would be stiff.  While she would be medically cleared to skate – she most likely would not have the strength to run – much less skate.  MattiLynn – my little buddy of 50.4 pounds (DO NOT FORGET THE .4 she says)  - had even gone to a few practices to watch her “team” practice and learn the new movements for the week.  Her sister looked fabulous on the ice – as usual – which  made it even tougher I am certain.  While I felt that being there would ease the disappointment – it only made it worse.  She did not watch the last 4 practices before the dress rehearsal.  Val took both our "skaters" to dress rehearsal that Tuesday before the weekend show – we thought at least MattiLynn could get her costume and picture made with her “team”.  Somehow, MattiLynn managed to stand up on the ice – while wobbly and often out of sync (or so I hear - I could not go)  – she made it through the routine. Val texted me throughout the evening – updating me on the progress.  The final practice was the Friday before the show and she had improved immensely.  How? I have no idea.  All I know is,  I saw the effort in person!  My little buddy’s shows that weekend took on a life of their own – she exits her first show with a slide across the floor in jest – and finishes her second one with a complete turnaround – just waving and smiling at a crowd – few of whom knew her story. Two in the crowd knew her story very well,  but all Val and I could do at that point  was a quick High-5 ---and of course ---a prayer of thanks!!!  So what about the ornament, you ask?  The ornament was actually a Christmas card from her orthopedic doctor’s office – an “ornament” that MattiLynn was so happy to get – because as our MVP (MattiLynn Vinicia Prince) says ….“those people fixed me so I could skate.”  Yep, that one FOR SURE got wrapped and placed GENTLY on the top of the rest of my memorable ornaments.

As some of you know – I have a questionnaire that I have been compiling for future, little, one-track minded, twerps who will come to my door wanting to see either of my daughters.  Up until this year, the form was only 109 questions long.  This year I have added one more:

“Do you take down your Christmas tree?”

The answer to that question will say a lot about the Dad that little boy will need to be.  Perhaps each Dad would be more involved in his child's life today if only he “HAD” to take down the Christmas tree each year.

May your "New Year" be as blessed as mine is now…..

Chip