Saturday, February 26, 2011
Funeral of a Dear Friend
I have never been one for funerals. I am much more of a celebrate life kinda guy. If you know me and since you are reading this then you do, you know that to be true. I don’t go, not because I am not respectful or not sorrowful, I don’t go because life is about SETTING up your funeral, not having one. If I participated in the celebration - then the end of the party is just not where I needed to be. However, in this particular situation I decided to go. As soon as I walked in the door, I saw Richard and Bubba, guys I had known most of my adult life. I went over to talk to them and they sorta acted like I wasn’t there, just kept running their mouths like good ol’ boys do sometimes. I started listening and this is what I heard the two guys say:
“Can’t believe those people came?”
“Why not?
“They didn’t like him at all. Matter of fact, they used to cuss him a lot”
“You think that mattered?”
“Not really I guess – he never cared anyway – he just laughed about it”
“Look over there, Bubba”
“Oh, I see the guys there. I think John has one of them small TVS, that ain’t showing no respect”
“You know what he would say Bubba, got check those Fantasy Football scores”
“Yea, that’s right”
“Who are those guys there?”
“Some of the folks he worked with – he never liked the term worked FOR him or who he worked FOR. Although he left no doubt who was in charge and appreciated those who gave him the chance”
“Who is that guy there?”
“He is one of the guys that caused his life to change on a Saturday night in the Spring of 1975”
“What happened?”
“Long, long story – but one of the most significant days in his life – he never told many”
“Who are all of these other people? Seems to be a bunch of old women with grown sons and daughters alongside them. Who are they? You don’t think…those might be..”
“Who are all of these other people? Seems to be a bunch of old women with grown sons and daughters alongside them. Who are they? You don’t think…those might be..”
“No, you idiot – NOTHING like that – he just had a mission of helping these people in times of need – nothing like what your stupid mind is thinking”.
“Look there – two grown women holding hands – makes me sick, but he would have been ok with it”
“Bubba you are an idiot. Those two women are ..I mean were… I mean are.. his daughters. Let’s listen to what they have to say":
The parlor was quiet – not much sound now. Then from across the room, a voice called out: “Dr. Prince?” Two heads turned toward the voice. One of those, a lady, standing right next to the two women holding hands, her dark hair now gray but still stylish - just like always - especially for someone closing in on 75 and the other woman, (one of the women holding hands), in her mid 30’s with her infectious smile and shoulder length blonde hair, both responded with a “Yes?” The two women could not help but giggle – this “mistake” had happened more than a few times, even though the younger woman was married – she never changed her last name. This young woman had been the top graduate in her eonometrics doctoral program. She had been at the Cato Institute for a few years and was now up for the top position there. She was brilliant beyond belief. The other young woman, one of the two women holding hands like schoolgirls, smiled and said “Come on you two, quit playing around and answer.” My, how serious she had become. Much different than she had been in her youth – but since marrying Senator Thomas, it was part of her job now . Serious was how she became so convincing in her causes – something her Daddy had taught her long ago. "Be who you are - but realize each person you meet is different - so understand each person as well as you can and do so on THEIR terms - NOT yours" - his words would always echo in her mind - plus her marrying really well - heck, that was one of her Daddy's best ideas!!! The three women stood together, and, as gracious as ever, answered the ever numbing questions of those trying to offer peace. Nonetheless, those three women knew life would go on, lessons learned through a life with him.
A very tall guy walked up to the three of them and they all embraced.
“Is that his brother, Bubba?”
“Yep – they have been best friends for like ---forever. You mess with one - you get the other – ever since they were young.”
“But – didn’t they fight?
“Sure – but not often after elementary school – they needed each other way too much. You know their story right?
“Oh yea – but most people don’t”
“Those two ol' boys would not have it any other way”
Bubba and Richard kept looking around the room at the people there. They just kept seeing people from all walks of life, rich, poor, all races and religions and began to wonder why?
“All of these people are just so different – Bubba”
“Did you think it would be any other way?”
“I guess not. But some of these people just did not like him. Called him a heathen”
“They had no idea who he was – many knew part – but few knew it all.”
“Who are those people over there?”
“Those are some of the people he had to fire over the years”
“And they came today?”
“Sure –he would never let anyone go and have them leave mad – he just had that way about him”
“Most people thought he was cold”
“You are an idiot Bubba! You knew him – did you think that? Who do you think had your car fixed last year?”
“My cousin Earl did – paid for it himself – Earl did – never asked for it back!”
“Your cousin is broker than a pine limb in a spring storm. That man over there in that casket did that Bubba. You didn’t know did you?”
“That man over there just told me it would work out – he never said he would do it”
“Yep – that is him”
“What about the rest of these people – who are they?”
“He used to say “There are two types of people in the world – those that loved him and those that would". I guess that last group showed up today. Or maybe they just wanted to make sure he was dead”!
“Quiet – the eulogy is about to start.”
There were a few people expected to speak – some with stories – some with quips – with each one adding just a little bit of humor. He would not have had it any other way I thought.
His wife was about to speak and a hush fell over the room. She was a dynamic speaker – better than he was on most days. Her words would resonate forever:
“As a husband, he had some faults. But as a man, he had few. When I was in the spotlight – he kept himself and everything else in the background. He allowed nothing to hinder me. When I was at my weakest, he came to the foreground and made sure once again – nothing got in my way. He had the bravery of a warrior and the soul of a poet. There was no try in him - only do. And just like a Billy Joel song - he would tell me dirty jokes until I smiled. " The crowd chuckled a little at that - even the old lady in the corner. "So you do know him!" she said with a grin. Another chuckle from the gathering.
His brother stepped forward and saying few words except for :
“Good-bye my best friend. What do you want me to do with all those books? I suppose you want me to read them huh? And how about all of those old, broken appliances? Keep 'em, I know. No more moving rocks big bro.....Take care of Mom and Dad – it is your turn now”
The two young women stepped forward, but before they could speak, a young boy of about 6 came running up to the mic. He would not let go of his Mama’s leg.
“Who is that kid, Richard?”
“That my friend Bubba, is little Tommy Gray Thomas, his grandson. The kid got his name from a person our buddy over there in that silver box, considered to be a powerful force in his life, so his oldest daughter gave that name to her son. The other man that influenced his life is long since gone. None of us ever knew that guy - but we heard about this "ghost man" sometimes."
The young women – together said these words:
“ Our Daddy wrote this eulogy, we are sure he stole part of it, {laughter from the crowd} long ago for a friend of his - whose father had died. We feel the same about our father and do not know any better writer about our Daddy - than our Daddy – so here it is:”
For every person there is a time.
There is a time to be born
And of course a time to die
There is a time in life that we must live
And of course a time when it will end
There is a time in life when we work
And of course a time when we play – perhaps play hard
There is a time in our life when we laugh and love
And of course there are days like today when we cry
There is a time when we rejoice in helping others
And of course there is the time we must help ourselves
Time will never stand still
And for those of us who love life, we have no desire for it to do anything else
Throughout our time here – we can only hope to meet people-----
Whose lives we will share
Whose lives we will change
And whose lives will change ours
To laugh, to love, to learn, and to live, is all that we can really hope for in this life and perhaps more than we actually deserve – Our daddy had them all. That is what made him the man he was.
We wish he were still here to make us smile, but the days we have spent with our father will give us memories that we will carry forever.
Those memories live within us always. As we look out in the crowd today, we see the many people that touched his life. And we can see by the looks on your faces – that he – our daddy – touched yours too. He would be so proud – just as we are.
A daughter’s love for her father is immeasurable – surpassed only by his love for her. So – Daddy, just know that today – we are in a sad place – but a knowing place – a place you helped us build – sometimes with your grandfather’s hammer – a place:
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN LOVING YOU AND MISSING YOU.
May you dream in color – just like you lived your life…..
Your daughters - Carlee and MattiLynn
I walked over to the casket and looked down. I knew this man well – and I swear to you – he was still grinning. He had not always been happy – but most of the time – he made others smile.
“Hey Pete, you ready?” I said
“St. Peter to you sir! Please show a little respect”
“Come on Petey – you really think I will? Let’s head out on our way. I understand I can now drive a stick without any jumping! Plus, I got a few suggestions on how to make a few changes up there, so maybe down here will be just a little easier. BTW - You are not going put me next to that Beck dude are you? He is one scary guy.”
Petey just looked at me - all glowing and stuff.
"Look Pete, I spent my whole life getting past gatekeepers like you just so I could talk with THE decision maker, now let's get moving!" I was getting impatient....
“Good Lord” was all Peter could say.
“Yep” was all I needed to say.
As many of you read this, I wonder what you were thinking and feeling? Were you laughing? Sad? Disgusted? Thinking who does this guy think he is? All of those are valid questions. I do NOT know if my funeral will actually turn out that way. I DO know, that if I want it to turn out that way – I have to do things today – right now – to make that happen. I like to control stuff – I know some of you will tell me – I am not in control – God is. Ok – we can debate that forever. The fact is though, we can control much more of our life than we do and I think God wants it that way. As for me, I want people to be happy and thrilled with their life. If those same people disagree with me – I am ok with it – it is not personal – it is just the business of life. So my question to you--- if your funeral were today – what would people say? My statement to you is simple---- based on my THOUGHTS FROM ALMOST 50 YEARS: Make your funeral reflect your life – not have your funeral be a mere reflection on a life you SHOULD have lived. Peace my friends – Peace…. 